The Little Man Who Lives In My Heart; Allowing the Divine Masculine

 

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“The Keeper” by Nataki Bhatti is an digitally altered painting.  To see more of her work go to http://www.facebook.com/paintedmother.

He now dwells with me, a man I begged to hold my heart.  My heart needed guarding and keepsaking from myself.  I kept giving it away without proper discretion.  My heart would return, evicted, battered, abused and dejected.  I thought a good practice to ask my ancestors for protection, to take the heart from my body and guard it in one of their many houses.  Whomever or whatever wanted my heart, would have to go through “him”.  And if the dowry was not correct, suitor would be sent away without me ever knowing who I truly am, I didn’t want to be bothered.

Good keeping it was!  My heart exorcised from my body, guarded heart utterly absent.  Except that was not how God intended me to live and even though I felt this was the safest way for me to live, I mutilated myself to protect myself from pain that did not exist yet. I projected.  This is the nature of victimization.  This is the nature of victimization using avoidance as a means to cope.  The creative mind can use escapism, a beautiful fantasy, as a shield.  There is no relief in this, only plain fields of varying anxiety.

The last time my heart returned dejected, a keeper returned with her.  This is a gift from God of the Most High, I have the purest most, loving, incomprehensible field around my heart, so bright and illuminated, nothing but love, only love can come near it.  All else shies from heart’s light, or burns. The weight resentment, masked anger, lust, arrogance, judgement, hatred and discord can not pass through here; he lets it go.  I call this energy, the keeper or my “Beloved”.  I like to comically refer to my keeper, Beloved, as “the little man that lives in my heart”.  He is the light of my soul and he loves me with an unconditional love beyond my experience.  I have true love in me!

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“Heartsong” by Nataki Bhatti is an altered painting from a new media art project http://www.facebook.com/narrativeoftheredstring. Nataki creates digital images (memes) that encompass the philosophy of creativity as a spiritual practice. 

Beloved, the little man who dwells within my heart, has his work cut out for him.  When my heart pounds out of control from a night terror, I can feel him pulsing love to its center, calming me, bringing my heartrate down.  Or when I am slipping into the depths of sadness he holds my heart, giving me an internal hug.  When those little black dots come out of their intricate hiding webs, voids, he reminds me to breathe deep love into darkness, and release it through my breathe. He tells me constantly, how worthy I am of love, how beautiful I am and how much he loves me.

 

This is a transformative miracle!  I looked for validation on the outside, just like most in my culture, needing more, longing for a man’s love, wishing I was lighter, or more beautiful, less hurt, less victimized.  I am no victim.  I need not be a warrior, a fighter, aggressive or angry in order to feel empowered.  I casted my heart away in fear and it was returned with light.  A divine balance has been opened within me, granting me a simple and powerful tool; fluid self love.  A self love that moves and responds to my emotional needs in the moment.  We dance together.  We celebrate together. We love each other.  There is no need for protection. This is the alchemy of unconditional love.  I have allowed the masculine attribute to enter my heart and become a part of who I am.

There is a man within me.

He creates vast caverns

in my being, I call wind.

He pulls me to him,

not allowing me to venture

too far, from myself.

He loves me in ways no

love story ever described.

He sings sweet songs

attuned words fill my heart

with resonance and

I AM LOVE.

Bless this beautiful

sacred man of me.

 

 

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