I Gave Him My Heart; If you Want to Touch it, You Got to Go By Him

“Eeros ” a paint sketch by Nataki Bhatti. Gouache on paper.

My heart has no bounds.  It is childishly wild and free, only within the confines of its castle. That castle, I built, experience by aching experience, to protect loving heart.  I almost forgot about her.  I lost touch.  I didn’t know what heart was doing in the vast dark corridors of the stone and mortar castle. 

Feeling is for punks, cowards and pussies.  That was what I was taught!  But what happens to a spiritual emotional being when those feelings are ignored and suppressed?!  Psyche wards! Sorry, I digress.  This story is about what happens when heart is rediscovered deep in the coves, that old dusty wormed book, mislabeled in the dark basement of shadows?  Heart is free!!!  Heart wants to feel the flame of the sun illuminate it.

My heart, now aware and free, is an unruly child!  And she wants what she has missed for so many years.  She wants to guide my spirit, but she isn’t ready, she isn’t mature.  She knows no bounds and quite frankly, she’s wreckless. She needs protection from herself, and my spirit, that other knowing of me, is just learning how to love her, learning her needs and desires.

I presented heart, I offered heart UP. I gave my heart to my ancestors for safekeeping.  I had to!  I had to grant her an open free spiritual space so she could grow up.  And when she returns, she will lead me ferociously.  And while she is there, our connection isn’t severed, her blood is my blood, we flow.  She is protected though, from forces outside of us, bodies that may unintentionally harm her.  

Meet heart’s patron, his name is Eeros (also known as Mika, Mikasi, Michael or Obtala).  Heart blooms in the nurturing masculine aspect of divine protection and love.   She can express her full feminine ways and like a father, Eeros adores her, cajoles her, encourages her to be herself. Eeros teaches heart how to connect to the bigger love.  But he emphasizes the safe way to do it. “Within bounds” he says, within bounds. Heart has to learn where her love ends and theirs begins.  And ironically, she has to learn how to loose herself in the big love flow, allowing bound to open, letting what is internal become external. 

Eeros, for now is my heart’s gatekeeper.  If you need her, present yourself respectfully and call upon him.  He’s looking out for her as she learns and plays.  And she will play to learn.

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